and your pants are full of foam..... (Warning: This post will be gross....)

DIARRHEA! DIARRHEA!

Upon departure from Damietta, Egypt quite a few crew members had a case of the Green Apple Splatters.

Everyone knows that the squirts aren't fun....now try to imagine how absolutely god awful the squirts are on a ship.

I mean really, being sick is never, ever fun. Especially when you lack the creature comforts that home provides. Two ply toilet paper is a prime example. Trust me when I tell you that one ply starts feeling like 30 grit sandpaper in no time!

A diarrhea outbreak on a ship provides many, many my life is so weird moments. (Like when a 57 year old AB gives me a full dissertation on his bowel movements for the last 24 hours.) But of course, my favorite my life is so weird moments almost always occur on the bridge during watch. Because seriously, there is never a better time to have the weirdest conversations!

ME: Awww man....I think the bug finally caught up with me! My stomach is in KNOTS!

AB: Have you barfed out your butt yet?

ME: Noooo....

AB: Nope. You don't have it.