Ho-kay SO. I can't believe I'm about to fess up to this...buuuttt....one of the reasons that I want to sell my house (or at least move out of it) is that there are spiders. BIG SPIDERS. (Warning, because we are talking about big spiders there is swearing involved.) Last night I went over to my Auntie's house to watch American Idol (we will at some point need to discuss this season of idol). I had a lovely evening (complete with chips, guacamole and delicious cocktails). I get home and start flipping on lights....when I see this little bastard scurrying from the corner of my bedroom closet. WTF.

I realize that it is difficult to determine its size from the photo alone....it was about the size of my closed fist....and it was a baby!!!

This particular type of spider is called a Cane Spider. For a little light reading you can follow this LINK to Wikipedia.

I'm not a particularly squeemish individual. I grew up in Honomu in a plantation house that was pretty much wide open. Bugs are a way of life in Hawaii. Roaches, ants, centipedes, geckos, other lizards, termites, mosquitos...you name it we got it. They honestly don't bother me! Kill em and move on! Our Honomu house was on the opposite side of the gulch from the cane fields. Every now and then we'd find one of these spiders tucked away in a dark corner. I'd like to reiterate every now and then! I only have true memories of two incidents where a cane spider was in the house! One time was especially memorable because it was in the shower.

When I first moved into this house I caught 6 in one month! I use the term 'caught' lightly....if I find one I do my ultimate best to kill it.

One night I woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night....I flipped on the light and there was a BIG DADDY SPIDER on the ceiling above my bed. I've never slept without a light on again. I need to be able to wake up instantly survey my surroundings and tuck and roll out of bed if I discover I have a 'lurker'.

I've also tried every capture method possible....why? Because they are amazingly fast! I have a butterfly net that I keep under my nightstand...with a tool I created which I lovingly refer to as the 'whapper'. The whapper is a couple of rolled up manila file folders that I have fortified with elastic rubber bands.

I've also tried poison....I got some 'spider spray' but it ended up being awful. All it really did was make them not be able to run as fast. The stuff was so potent that I ended up having to evacuate the house.

You may be thinking, 'why doesn't she call the exterminator?!'. Did you know that you can't kill spiders with gas like you would a termite....it would just take too much....you can't kill them like a roach because they don't lick their feet. You basically have to find the nest. If you think I'm going 'hunting' for a nest full of these guys you are absolutely nuts.

The rational part of my brain understands that they are relatively harmless. They eat bugs...less mosquitos is good right?! They aren't poisonous. They run away when they see you...sorta. Unfortunately, they are really big, really brown, really hairy, and have icky pincer like things in the front. In short, they are freaky as fuck.

You will be happy to note that I have refined the killing process. I now have an all natural spray that contains tea tree oil. I spray the area surrounding the spider so that when he starts to run he slips....this gives me a little extra time to thoroughly 'douse' him...otherwise he is almost too fast for me to spray. Once I start to douse him he curls up. This is when I start to clobber him with my rubber slipper.

So, logically, if you have to wait to kill them one by one...and you have no idea where their nest is....it means they are here to stay and have in effect won the war.

Which means I have to move.